I spent most of the past month making a thousand Pinterest and Facebook "bookmarks" . When I wasn't reading these articles and "sharing", I was obsessing about a person . It is not the first time this has happened to me but it's been well over 20 years since the last time and I truly thought I had out grown my people obsessions . I was wrong, it was just that I hadn't met anyone worth obsessing over in the past 20 years .
Like most other addictions/obsessions...there is good and bad involved . The positive for me was that the individual in question woke me up to feeling again . Funny how you can stumble through existence in a semi-comatose state and not even realize . I wont say it was as dramatic as The Matrix but it certainly was both frightening and disorienting . Left me with a reeling head, a bit nauseous and smiling...I know, weird combination . Not unlike a rollercoaster .
Now, he has decided to do me the favor of running away...and I am left feeling numb and no less disoriented but oddly motivated . So, back on the "farm journey" . I still don't know specifically "where" I want to do this but I am 90% certain it will be near a small town, perhaps two hours from medium sized city After much thought about moving further south to be near family, or further North to avoid humans, I have decided that being near enough to use recycle resources and sell hand made items, makes the most sense . Worse case scenario....ie...bad year for crops...I can still have some access to at least part time job . I still would like the majoority of my income to be on-line sales of items I make from my felt animals, wool scarves and any small herbal items . Being able to barter extra garden or animal items with small town would also be nice option as well as having access to mail service .
Way to early to look for land , though I spent many hours getting price points on different locations , I think there have been some good options outside of Mooselake and Hinkly . Right now, would settle for a trailer home until I can build my own home but couldn't do this with out some help from family and haven't had to ask them for much since I left my 20's, but perhaps can find away to make it an investment for them ? I could careless about actually "owning land", I just want the rights to build and grow what I want there .
So, yes, watching my brain work is a bit like observing a ping-pong game....I am not linear . I see what I want at the end of the road and then have to work backwards figuring out how to get there . Now, the "what" has become clearer and I have to go backwards to the how . How is mostly about learning some skills , getting physically healthier and stronger and earning some money , The first and second goals are already in progress , the money is the most daunting but I think doable if I can stay motivated . Although I have sold a few of my handmade items, I mostly avoided it because I saw them as my future income to supplement social security . I was making them with the intent of selling off a few but mostly keeping the best for when the economy stabilized . I'm doubting that that day is coming , so might as well see what I can sell them for now as land and supplies seem a better investment to me now .
That's it for now . Still doing some research on gardening and health issues and felting on my work week and working towards selling my stuff and finishing up some half done projects to add to on-line store or local market . I had already researched some local markets when I started felting, but need to dig through files and see what new stores have opened in my area . The down side for what I make is that not very many people know what it is but the up-side is that they aren't making it to sell here from China .
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